I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
