mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
