I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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