My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
