At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
