You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
