Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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