i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
