i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
