i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
