the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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