Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
