So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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