Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize