but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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