Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
