He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am available for nakedness
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
