It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize