I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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