The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
