And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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