Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
