dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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