i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
