Swine flu. Run for my life!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
