mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize