problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
