Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize