i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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