Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
