those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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