She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
