Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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