maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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