I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
