hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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