I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
