She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
ok first of all what the fuck
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize