i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
