So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
