The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
