This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize