Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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