The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
