I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
