Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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