can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
