What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
