id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
