i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
