ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
