awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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