Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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