you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
