just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
