I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
