I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
