he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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