ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
