Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
