moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
