My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
