meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
