Non-Jews are for practice
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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