mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
