your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
