Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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