So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize