I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
