at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
