you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
