So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
