Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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