i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
