Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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