it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
