i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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