The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
