i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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