I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
