remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize