just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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