dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize