That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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