The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
