First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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