A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You were trust falling into bushes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize