whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
