i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
