I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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