4 words: hood of his car
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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