That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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