Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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