its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
