Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
