i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
