My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
