Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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