We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
