Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
