You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
