just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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