I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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