btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
