shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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